md. amirul helmi
20/10/93
music enthusiast.
Try to figure out the rest of me.



Abi
Amirah
Afiqah
Alessia
Andy
Arshad
Azmee
Budiman
Candice
Chao Yan
Charlotte
Crystal
CuiTian
Elynur
Eugene
Fadzil
Faris
Hafeeza
Hafizudin(Bob)
Hannah
Hisyamuddin
Humaira
Izyan
Jesslyn
KaiXin
KauLahAlfi
Li Shan
Luqman
Marilyn
Mubin
Shaiful
Sufia
WeiFeng
XinYing
YanRu
Zafirah

CCAC
Vampire Freaks



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the tube.

the joint.

band history.

July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Damn... another gun is pointed at my face...

school life's getting a little more miserable these days
the pressure that is exerted on me is getting a little out of hand
teacher's are getting much more unreasonable these days
well, they've always been this way
work's piling up and my ass won't stay on my chair for long
the chair isn't that comfortable anyway
worksheets being propelled into the face of our tables
marker ink jets out of its cartidge and onto the whiteboard on the side,
exposing a series of numbers and alphabets which instantly weakens our defence
meanwhile, we half-heartedly fight back with our pens, foolscap papers and a whole lotta brain juice

well, we can say "this is life"
or we can say "fuck life"
or we can lambaste the teachers and singapore's education system
but it's not gonna change anything
what matters is whether we can last till they cease fire at the end of the 'o' levels
and then we're gonna face another breed of soldiers the next year, and so on
everyone's got a war to fight
and for us singaporean students, it's a road war
whoever gets shot gets left behind!

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 1:57 PM

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Sunday, June 28, 2009

It's wrong. It's what i wanted. Well, no regrets then.

well, talk about wrong timing...
went shopping just now, when most of my work is still left undone
also spent pretty much all the money i had
well, it was probably the only time possible, so i had to risk everything else for this opportunity

anyway, went to novena with bro
bought an adidas jacket for $61
finally got what i wanted, and needed
then headed to orchard, to far east plaza
bro bought two tees, one for $24, another for $25
i bought one Threadless(brand name) tee at $25, which was necessary to fill my closet as i'm experiencing a wardrobe malfunction
bro persuaded me to buy because he said that even if i finished my money, i'd be satisfied with what i'm doing with the money
which was pretty much true
no regrets buying it:D

well, now i'm losing time
got a hell lotta work to do, not enough time
oh well, it's my choice after all, so i'm gonna face my own consequences
no more going out for you, boy
focus, focus...





"time we don't have, but has been given"

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 12:00 AM

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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Slightly better...

was at my uncle's house in johor from sunday to tuesday
well, this time, i had a bit more fun than usual
at least there was something to do this time

sunday
reached there at around 11am
breakfast, ate 3 and a half pieces of prata which was way bigger (and cheaper) than what you can usually find
took a nap, then headed to the nearest 7-11 store
actually, i did nothing much on this day

monday
had bbq at night
couldn't stuff in much, i wonder why

tuesday
this day was much more fun
went to the river at gunung berlumut
a long 2+ hour ride
the place was actually closed, yet people are still allowed to go in
it's because the contractors fled and abandoned their renovation project
and it's been 1 and a half years
sheesh, hopeless...
anyway, we went to the river
IT WAS FREEZING COLD!!!
yet it was pretty fun
threw some pebbles, and mine skipped 4 times!
hehe, kampung boy
baby ammar was also enjoying himself
(he's my cousin's son, which makes him...
i dunno wad's it called...)
no pics of d cute lil' him, haiz...
so, left the river shivvverrring, change clothes, went off

we were heading to restoran my friend
everytime i heard my father say that name, i kept thinking
"my father has a friend who owns a restaurant here??"
"who's this friend??"
when we arrived, i laughed hysterically
standing proudly on a pole, the board bears the name in neon pink and blue,
'RESTORAN MY FRIEND'
WTF??!!
had a hefty dinner
tom yam, sambal stingray, tofu in oyster sauce, sambal squid, kangkong (though i hate veggies, i find this quite irresistable, and delicious as well)
at night, headed to kip mart, adults did a last minute shopping
when we left, i realized everyone hadn't stocked up on bubble/chewing gum supply
oh well...
headed back home at around 11, reached home around 12.30
slept, slacked the rest of yesterday

missed gym session today
excuses:
-woke up late
-no one to tag along with
-was feeling a bit sick in the morning
haiz...

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 9:33 PM

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Thursday, June 11, 2009

Voices by Saosin

I miss the part, when we were moving forward now
(On our way down)
But maybe someday, I'll be something more than love
Just know I'll never tell
And when you're on your way down
(Through the clouds)
And you're waiting for your body's re-entry again

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

I'm missing parts, now that you've told me everything
(On our way down)
And I was blessed and I've forgotten how to love
You said you'd never tell
And when you're on your way down
(Through the clouds)
And you're waiting for your body's re-entry again

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

Not even I will tell...

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
We say these things to know they're real.

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the one's we've loved
We speak in different voices
We speak in different voices

To know they're real. Real.
I'll never...

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 11:30 PM

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Then, a hyena. Now, a lone wolf.

went to the gym with thahir this morning
as usual, i reached late
did my normal routine, except for running on d treadmill
replaced it with cycling instead
cuitian came soon after
her presence and cheeky smile kinda made it harder for me to push myself
thahir on the other hand, kept doing bicep curls
and then there was that gym girl again:D
this time, she wasn't sitting down at the counter
instead, she turned up in a black adidas tee n the standard fbt shorts for girls, along with a friend
and i juz realised that she wore specs
hahax, so cute! ^ ^
woah woah woah, i seem like a stalker
ah, i remember the day she smiled at me:)

nowadays, heading to the gym is a lot less fun
i've lost much of my will to look as good as ______(fill in any names of guys with hot bods)
my willingness to wake up early in the morning have gone to rest
things no longer look as good as they used to be in the gym
gone were the days that the three musketeers/bujang lapok/do re mi set off to the gym weekly without fail
once in a while, there would be more company, such as cuitian or some of my other classmates
the days where i was always the weakest one, yet it never deterred me to get stronger
the days whereby equalling faiz's biceps and irwan's chest was a goal in life
the times where we would smack each other with our towels in the toilet
the times where i would say "eh, cute ah" upon seeing the girl on the wall after every gym session
these days, irwan does his thing with his dumbbells at home, while faiz is pretty much occupied with his obligations to his silat team, his injuries and all
as for me, i'm pretty much a one-man army running his own mission by his own means
well, no one's to blame for this
i've got no control over anyone's lives except mine
yet again, this is a sad truth for me
oh well, just have to get stronger for myself, by myself...

...hmm...now what about my studies??








"chances thrown
nothing's free
longing for what used to be
still it's hard
hard to see
fragile lives, shattered dreams"

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 1:58 PM

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Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Four hours

a group of 8, a perfect mix of boys and girls
awkwardly surrounded by the sight of people dining, cleaners and fishes floating above our heads
a simple request by a friend turned to a life lesson learned for all
a mere conversation in such an environment that can never be deemed as a conducive place to open up about life matters, managed to cause tears to well up in the eyes of the ever soft-hearted girls
(one and half packet of tissue gone due to the wasteful manner of using each sheet)
as for the hard-faced boys
it was a matter of whether their strong will prevented them from crying
or it was simply because the tears had been dried up by history
as the dearest, innocent little one rests her head on the table,
she allowed her ears to seep in every word said
perfectly hiding behind everyone's oblivion
(sorry for banging the table countless of times that u had to move away from me)

the short meeting among nature's inhabitants produced some distinguishable moments
the ever happy and outgoing bee couldn't bear the pain of it's own sting
but time allowed it to recover, slowly, but surely
the giant sequoia tree withered its leaves, yet it manages to grow its leaves once more in a matter of seconds
the smiling sun was overshadowed by purple clouds which rained as soon as they were formed
in spite of that, the sun manages to shine again, much like the way everyone preferred
finally, the elegant flower opens its petals
to everyone's horror, it reveals a sight of disgust, one that is kept hidden so long that it was beyond anything anyone would expect
yet, it never lost its respect
in fact, the flower became one to look up to

presumptions, perceptions, all mentioned after a day's work
in an attempt to mend each others' flaw
a new hope, a new appreciation, a new resolution to strive for
all in a matter of four hours...





"all right!
this is from our hearts!
sincerity over simple chords
we've made some mistakes,
we've made some mistakes
but it's a long time coming when you've given it everything"

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 1:28 AM

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Sunday, June 07, 2009

The star fell from the sky, towards... me.

Unity Sec 10th Year Anniversary Fun Fair
went horribly wrong for me.

first off, let me just talk about the haunted hospital thing
i feel very bad for leaving the class throughout most of the fun fair
i was more caught up with my street soccer game and that horrendous performance
and i am truly sorry for that
well, i have to say i am glad that the hospital thingy turned out quite well
though there's always some faggots who just can't stop ruining the game for others
the class got truly fucked up about this problem, without a doubt
and to our dearest Mrs Chan
you told me that you did not want it to be too scary for you
when you entered, you yapped your way out of fear
and when it didn't turn out scary for you
you dare ask for a refund!!! even your daughter agreed with you!!!
what a great role model to us students, and to your child as well

next, the street soccer competition
though we won the first two games, my performance in every game sucked
stumbling became all too common, couldn't even dribble the ball well
moreover, we should have made it in the semi finals already
if not for the poor management of the competition
teams entered last minute, some teams re-entered even after they lost
everything went haywire there
despite our 1-0 loss in the third game, it was good to see that we were all smiles
that loss meant that the team (me, hafiz, nicholas and faris) will no longer have to think about the competition anymore, and be more focused on the hospital

lastly, the stage performance
*pukes*
sorry.
the long-awaited moment turned out to be a bloody disaster
haziq's guitar somehow died, had to borrow clare's guitar
haziq's strumming could hardly be heard, while mubin's guitar overpowered everything else
irwan's attempt to keep the crowd alive was utterly useless
his singing was not in sync with the music
the songs were played so slowly
we've got the hopeless crew and the bullshit sound system to blame
during rehearsals, one guy showed up, knew about our problem, promised to settle it the next day
yesterday, a new line up appeared, that previous guy was nowhere to be found
nothing could be fixed
despite that, the band itself was also to be blamed
what's with the sour faces on stage??!!
we are performers, we can't just sulk because something did not go as planned
save it till we leave the stage, what's so hard about that?!
even jesslyn agreed with this
the perpetual lack of confidence was still present
and irwan, please, please understand
if we already suck, get off the damn stage!!!
your lame jokes are just another hopeless redemption
because of all this, we're now everybody's fool
half the crowd was gone after our performance
great job gang!!!
what a waste of time
what a waste of effort
a waste of my saliva trying to lift your spirits
a waste of money spent on jamming,
a worthless attempt trying to put our songs into perfection
eyes on corona?
more like staring dead at the eclipse

so, that was pretty much how the event went for me
fortunately, this day came only on the 10th anniversary
who knows, maybe in another 10 years, someone's gonna repeat history
let's just wait and see...

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 2:27 PM

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Saturday, May 23, 2009

I'm moving forward, but where's 'up'?

hmm, quite some time since my last post...

first off, i'm running out of fuel
i'm losing the drive to excel in my Malay Language
uncertainty is gaining up on me
i am no longer confident in answering questions
i mean, when doing papers
my vocab is getting worse
it's getting harder to translate from English to Malay
i am getting lazier in doing my Malay homework
i got poor results for my mock test (45/70)
and the best part
'O' LEVELS IS JUST A FEW DAYS AWAY!!!
c'mon kiddo
u can't afford to lose yourself at a time like this
just one last push dude
when it's done, u can enjoy
though it's only for a while

next, i may be feeling a little friendlier than usual
i don't really know why, but i'm loosening my fist
i have some mixed feelings about this
it is a good sign, but i can't let my guard down
need too stay cautious
i can't afford to befriend an enemy...
...or am i just another victim of paranoia?

third, i got abandoned by mubin!!!
BEAN!!! u left ur good ol' pal for a girl who isn't attractive to you???!!!
i was really convinced that you've forgotten about your flirting habits
but i was dumbfounded
fortunately for you, i can forgive my friends
it's understood that we can't run away from our mistakes
no man is regarded as perfect
but one can always make up for it by changing and not repeating their mistakes
you've once asked me why girls tend to avoid talking to you these days
my question to you: have you not changed yourself?
answer this, and you'd have answered your own
oh, and thanks abi, azri and kaixin for your concern, for standing up for me
but please don't overreact again, ok?

well, i think that's it
there might be some things that i'm just keeping for myself
or maybe just share with a few people
because i don't think it's necessary
moreover, my sister reads my blog, so that means i'm losing a little privacy here
(hi sis!)
maybe next time...

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 10:28 PM

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Saturday, May 09, 2009

Revival of one, death of another

YAY!!! MY MP3 HAS REVIVED!!!
actually, after the fall, it was only the battery that died
no idea how, but that's how it was
yeah, silly me. i know.
wasted a whole week dissecting half of my mp3, inspecting it
when the real problem had always been staring in my face
well, life lesson learnt: always look at the big picture before it's details
i guess
anyway, i finally got my music back
no more listening to the lifeless sounds of seven in the morning
welcome back 1/4 of my life
so now, i'll be questioning myself once more
will i be able to get a phone?

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 3:05 PM

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Saturday, May 02, 2009

The cloud didn't hover over me, yet it rained...

yesterday, my day started off badly
i wasn't sure whether i wanted to go for the 1/4-of-the-class picnic at botanic gardens
again
yet, i decided to go
so, packed my barang2, headed to the mosque

at the mosque...
since i reached quite late, i was sitting under the scorching sun
while the man beside me was sheltered
so my whole body(yes, whole body) was left sweating
my arms were wet, i felt sweat flowing down my face, my back
so after prayers, had to went back home
changed into another top
(i realised that the inner shirt i was wearing was soaked in sweat)
just as soon as i left home, something very, very terrible happened
I DROPPED MY MP3!!!
my two-year-old mp3 was busted
now, 1/4 of my life is gone
so, i headed to the gardens all alone, dejected

met up with gabriel and azri at the place, went to search for the others
due to our poor sense of direction, we walked around half of the area in search of them
soon, we met up with them, thanks to the use of azri's hp
(remember guys, u got hp, use it well)
and also the fact that andy was dressed up like a boss
so, the peeps present were me, azri, gab, yel, kian hwee, andy, clare, xinying, kaixin, eugene
yes, eugene kua. i myself did not expect it but yeah, he came

anyway, played twister
the game was certainly not for those who intend to be a virgin for life
we did all sorts of move just to stay in the game
and everyone wants each other to pose unnecessarily
even the girls were horny!!! and andy too!!!
the first game already got me sweating, and my legs were all wobbly
rested for a while, then played monkey with a volleyball after kian hwee left
soon after, the girls played another game of twister
since we guys kinda got them tangled and in all the wrong postures
so, they did the same to the boys in our game
started with me, azri, eugene and gabriel
then, somewhere in the middle of the game, gab quit
oi!!! got no balls ah?!
soon enough, it was sudden death
the 'outside' people juz positioned our body in all sorts of ways
by the end of the game, eugene was flattened, half-dead
azri was behind him, in an undesireable position
i was across them, kind of hugging eugene
you horny people!!!
rested, then left the place
and eugene realised he had shed off a few pounds as his pants were then loose
kudos!

then, we split up
yel, kaixin, andy, eugene and myself headed to holland v
it was probably my first time i think
talked alot about being rich, house, future
pretty much our perceptions of each other
a few moments later, xinying, azri, clare and gab met up with us
their plans to watch x-men was cancelled
so, we ate, talked, blah blah blah
then made our way home
met two drunkards (i believe it stands for "drunk bastards") who puked at a bus stop
they were lying on the bench, asleep probably, thankfully as well
what the hell is wrong with these kind of people??!!
for what sake do you drink?!
to enjoy?! what do you enjoy when you live your life subconsciously?!
you puke all over the place, with your rotten, putrid flesh lying around
driving all the other people mad
GET A LIFE!!! or might as well die!!!

so, overall, my day wasn't that bad
at least 1/4 of the class helped to brighten up my day
well, now, i shall lead my life in misery
goodbye my daily dose of music
goodbye my darling mp3 player
goodbye my piece of life...

. .. ... . .. rock evolution* 3:44 PM

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