another recap on life...
friday, stayed in class after aep
in an attempt to finish doing my corrections for my e.maths papers
copying is such a bothersome work
blasted music in class throughout my work
soon enough, the only peeps left were me, irwan, faiz, abi, kaixin and xinying
crapped about a whole lotta stuff
but what xinying said to me kinda got me wondering
she said that my missing tooth is what makes me an 'Amirul'
she doesn't seem to like the thought of me having braces or perfect-looking teeth
well, i explained to her that i if i did not do anything about it, it will affect my speech
and i won't look very presentable, especially if i were to find a job in the future
then, i recalled what the missing tooth meant to me...
it was a scar
a retribution for my sins, for the past mistakes that i have done
a mark that proves i wasn't worthy of being given life
with that mouth, i lied, i shouted, spat vulgarities, even to my mum when i was 10
i was a sinner, a devil's puppet
when i took the tumble, falling face first, i did not feel any pain
because my heart was too cold to realise pain
i raced to the toilet, looked at the mirror
bared my teeth, and i could see a deep, dark hole
i don't see myself anymore.
the first pain i felt then was when gargling my mouth
soon after, i took the bus home
met my brother in the bus
he too was freaked out by the sight of me
blood and water smeared my uniform, i looked hideous
he consoled me, regret started to cloud my mind...
as i reached home, i kissed my mum's hand
i broke her heart once more
she'd never thought i'd return home different
right on the eve of hari raya, the day of forgiveness
her worries spiked through my heart, i was a failure...
went to take a bath
turned on the shower, water landed on my head forcefully
knocking some sense into my mentally-abused head
then, i took a nap on my bed
as i laid my head to rest, i recalled all my past mistakes
how could i be so stupid? what have i done throughout my life?
i cried, i cried hard
i spent the afternoon in bed, weeping, drowning in my own tears
that was the last time i cried in sentiment
it is certain that if i remain like this, with this hole
i would be telling myself that i still haven't made a change for the better
that i still haven't learn my lesson
i would still be a convict of my own crimes
therefore, i would like to correct my teeth
as a sign of forgiveness, to myself, to others
i want to start anew, and leave behind the old, worthless me...
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Saturday, April 11, 2009
back here once more to update on life
because of demands, of course
16 march doesn't seem that long ago, you know
because time moves so fast these days
anyway, this is what happened yesterday...
first off, woke up at 10+
feels like saturday
but it's only a friday!
went to prayers, was sweating heavily
soon after, rushed to mrt station to meet bro
coincidentally, met the class first
unfortunately, only a handful turned up
left off first with bro to city hall
when we reached city hall, headed to long john silver's first
for once, he treated me to food! hehe
because i think most of the time, i'm the one who bought for him stuff
or bought the stuff that we share
anyway, makan makan
accidentally filled my tummy to the brim
headed to bras basah
fortunately i brought an umbrella, because the rain was kinda heavy
went shopping at art-friend, bro bought some acrylic paints and paintbrushes
i bought nothing.
went to swee lee next
toured around the shop as usual, target a few guitars
bro picked up a guitar cable cuz ours were condemned
then entered this room filled with music books, for the first time
explored around the room, whereby only the cashier was present and no one else
then, bro paid for the cable and some guitar picks
i bought for myself a lucky-thirteen pick! yay!
after that, i went off to orchard, bro to work at novena
went to meet the fellow peeps at botanic garden
hehe, picnic, in the rain
we were ill-fortunate, helpless, yet we didn't care!
met them, then played the "bom chi chi" game thingy
which i had no idea how to play, but it looks kinda unique, like a dance
then makan a bit, fooled around with truth or dare
but we kinda parted quite fast, or maybe i was just too late
ok, skip a few chapters...
hmm, at night, at orchard, the ones left behind were me, andy, kaixin and cuitian
a very unlikely quad
did a little planning somewhere by the side of house of condom
wasn't i right andy? everyone will certainly take a look at shops like that
and the littlest thing that they'll do is shift their eyes, trying to catch a glimpse of the shop
actually, that was what i learnt from ilham
and cuitian was caught doing so, hehe
travelled by foot all the way to dhoby ghaut mrt
i was banging into andy throughout the journey, who was happily singing about bras basah
which i had no idea why
well, that is mr.oh-so-random-andy to you
made a few stops along the way, adjusting my socks, checking on my bleeding finger, received 'magic bottles'
talked about possibly the most random stuff
in the mrt, me, andy and kaixin were chatting about our future basically
education paths, future life, travelling, friendship
learnt a few things about andy and kaixin
the conversation was, well, heartening, yet heartbreaking at the same time
especially when looking at the dark night outside, with some lights and a few stars
thinking back, i believe the stars might represent us
when they're together, they'll form constellations, like friends, which is such a beautiful sight
even so, for all we know, each of them stands alone
they will shine only for themselves
and when they die, they will be forgotten, as always
well, i guess kaixin's right
friendship is such a pathetic thing
all we do is make empty promises, hopeless wishes, and it will all go to waste
yet, we yearn for more
why?
because we humans are capable of believing
and we are free to make choices
thus, that is what keeps us going...
now, it's a matter of your choice
whether you would want to believe in the pitiful facts of life, much like a pessimist
or believe in hopes and dreams, and lead your life as an optimist...
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